When two people who are in love decide to get married, their wedding planning process will often coincide with an identity crisis. You and your partner might already know yourselves pretty well individually, but you’ll need to define who you are as a couple, and what is the essence of the two of you together.
You might think this is an odd thing to think about, but it is not. Of course, the two of you are individuals, and each of you represents something different. But your wedding is your joint celebration, and as such cannot simply be a sum of the groom and the bride’s separate personalities. What makes a wedding unique is that both personalities bring forth something unique into a unified concept.
Before I began working professionally with weddings, I used to think that planning a multicultural wedding would be really difficult because different traditions and worldviews would need to be combined into one event.
Since then my opinion on this subject has flipped entirely. A multicultural wedding is the easiest event to plan. Your personality is intertwined with the traditions of your childhood, and where you come from. The same is true for your partner. Yet, you both still managed to meet at a point in time a space, and have gone through two individual journeys to arrive together to one, single, unified point. Your perception of your identity as a couple came together when you began dating or living together, and you needed to learn to adjust your traditions toward each other. At the same time, some differences have remained, and you have strived to understand and accept them.
Now, I will say a surprising thing. This process is not only applicable to multicultural couples, but takes place in all relationships. But people from different countries experience this process in a more obvious way because the basic traditions of each partner can be very disparate.
Sometimes while you are trying to define yourselves as a couple, you can also lose yourselves individually. For example, when you find yourself neglecting your needs as you are trying to adjust to the needs of your partner. When it comes to planning your wedding, it doesn’t matter what each partner likes individually, and so it’s not advisable to resort to making easy, neutral compromises. Regardless of whether you come from the same country or from others, you’ll need to sit down and discuss what part of your wedding is going to represent you, your partner, and both of you together.
You need to answer these questions so that you can have the confidence to make these choices for yourselves as a couple, but have the wisdom to take a step back and accommodate your partner where this is genuinely needed.
Your wedding is a unique opportunity to narrow down your common traditions. Which traditions do you have in common with your partner, and which of your traditions are different?